&My Heart Will Go On.

YOYOYO (: i bet stalker are all waiting for me to update. I know my blogs got a few stalker right. LOLS* some are friends who care and concern, some are just being KPO. Anw, my babygirl is asleep so soundly in my room now, i love her so much, she can make me forget everything just by looking at her, and i really thanks God for giving her to me, and im sure no matter how hard th road is im not going to give up, and this is what i can be sure of.

well, let's start from this morning, or infact last night? LOLS, Shihui came over to find me, after she slack with Peiyi at Fajar mac. she came and chatted with her while playing my lappy, and awhile later, she doze off beside my baby girl. piggy her, right? should change her name to piggybombom. she left at around 4AM, and eventually i went to sleep too.

sleep till 7AM near 8AM, wake up to feed my babygirl and headed back to my sleep, and my grandma call-ed. told she will be coming early, and blad blad blad. went back to sleep again, and my FCUKING PHONE RING AGAIN, this time round is NUH~ social worker, and i was so tired that half way through she talking, i hang her phone, and switch my phone to offlines mode, im so freaking tired, and i really need a rest.

and so after that i thought i could have a good sleep, BUTBUTBUT, my grandma came an hour later to wake me up, and so ended up i didn't have a good sleep! had fishball noodle this morning, and my grandma help my babygirl to bath, and seriously th way she bath my girl is th same way as how my mum bath for my girl, like photocopy! so cute, like mother like daughter. tsktsk!

after that rest awhile at living room, while my grandma prepare early dinner for me, cause she have to go work at 4PM, so she told she will cook first, and ask-ed me to make hot myself, so well, after she left i went back to rest, thought i could really rest this time, BUT Yansin called me, so ask-ed him to come over.

by th time he reach i only nap for an hour, keep him accompany in living room, watching TV, while waiting for his friends! ended up waited all th way till night time. LOLS (: stay-ed home th whole day, keep calling Shihui and tell her how piss off i was, how angry and how disappointed i was, and blad blad blad. okay, decided to share th stories here.

I got to know this particular guy from FB, or should I say he know me a year ago? when i celebrated my bithday last year. whatever it's, i dont know him, cause i had a bf last year, which is J. so i didn't bother who is there, who is in th pub, or whatever shit. this guy told me i left a deep impression on him, this and that. with all his word, and of cause i told him im going to be a mother soon, and he told me he was a father of a girl who is 2years old now, so i actually thought he was a single father, BUT it wasn't. he told me was complicated, doing seperation.

I'm convince with all his words, and of cause i didn't trust him that much, till he accepted th friends request from my facebook, and guess what. his status still married, and worst, th wife is pregnant now. how am i going to trust him with all his words, im seriously sorry that i had to check on him so much, because i really can't trust guy, especially when i was about to trust him, i know so much stuff about him. is disappointing seriously, but well, i got no feeling for him, this is a sure answer, and today he message me told me, he was disappointed in me, cause he thought i had already get over J, but i wasn't.

well, if i really get over J, my life would really be as simple as ABC, that's all. i wouldn't think of him everyday, i wouldn't need to wonder if J is doing good, i wouldn't need to bother if J cares about her daughter, but my heart really cares alot. and i knew deep down, i said i had given up, my heart didn't. at least im being honest. unlike him, lying to me, this and that, and make me dig out everything on my own.

whatever it's he say he would explain to me, and told me to trust him, and so he did it in FB today, but i still doubt his words a little bit, but disappointing part was my last year bday, J did something that i didn't know, till i got to know today. is like almost a year, and then i get to know. im really disappointed, seriously disappointed that i feel like crying, but i didn't.

i didn't forget my last year bday, even by a little moment, i remember every single thing, i remember seeing you chatting with a girl, i remember you told this girl i wasn't your gf, i thought it was just this, till today this guy told me, you actually kiss this girl. BUT he say you were drunk, but to me i know you wasn't it was my bday, im not even drunk, how can you be drunk, i went back to your place that night, i know you wasn't drunk at all. im really disappointed, and i bet that's th best bday i ever had in my whole life, and even spended my actual bday in hospital knowing all th ugly truth, J oh J, what did i do to deserve all this )': and why can't i get over you..

now im wondering, should i trust this guy, should i give him th chance to prove his love, (i might become the third party) if th wife and him still did not file a divorce. and th upcoming baby in his wife? so many thing, how to trust his words.

whatever it's my heart stand a place for J, and will always do. if only someone could make me get over him, i dont want anymore come and go r/s i wanted someone who will come, and hold my hand, till th very last breath of my life. that's all, im not asking much, i no need someone who is rich, someone who drive, i just need someone who can love me wholeheartly.

well, that's all for today post. last but not least, Selemat Hari Raya (:

If we love somebody,
would it be this strong,
I'll fight our loves will conqure all,
I wouldn't risk our love, even just one night,
our love will stay my heart.